Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Monday, July 30, 2012
Moving to a new space to talk about an old passion
I've decided to start a blog on this topic so I've moved to a new location:
Kosher Treif Cooking
Whether you keep Kosher or not, I hope you'll visit me there for some yummy recipes and hopefully a few funny stories about daily life.
Thanks so much and Happy Kosher
Monday, July 23, 2012
Door Dings Happen
While I was grocery shopping today, my BFF called me to talk so when I was leaving the store, we were still on the phone. I got into my car with my 2 bags of groceries, locked the door as I always do thank goodness, started the car and put it in reverse. As I was about to backup, a man knocked on my window.
There have recently been a large number of folks walking about this particular grocery store parking lot asking for money so I was initially scared and waved the man away and continued to backup. He then proceeded to beat on my window with his fist and scream a few choice words at me. I rolled down me window about an inch to hear this:
"You may not care much about your car but I love my car and don't appreciate that you just dinged it with your car door."
OK now I'm feeling bad because I always try to be so careful about not dinging anyone's car doors. I hate it when it happens to me, and I don't want to do it to anyone else either. So I apologize and tell him that I didn't realized I'd hit his car and that I'm sorry. I try to never dings people's doors I say.
Well my apology wasn't good enough because he continued to scream and curse at me and even went so far to tell me that if I'd stop talking on my cell phone and pay attention, things like this wouldn't happen.
Between you and me and that man, what I do with my cell phone is my business. And I told him so. Well, I actually told him that it was none of his business when I talked on my cell phone and rolled up my window and backed away.
While I was backing away, he was standing in my parking space continuing to yell at me. I was shaking for about an hour after the encounter. And honestly I'm having trouble brushing it off now but while I was making dinner, I thanked God that the crazy man didn't pull a gun or knife on me, I thanked him for me being able to remain fairly calm during the situation instead of getting crazy angry like the ding man and I also realized something else, which is probably the most important lesson.
Door dings happen to all of us. You can park as far away from the rest of the world as possible, and you will still get a door ding or two. It's part of owning a car. So crazy man from the grocery store parking lot, deal with it! Life is too short to sweat the door dings and to get all worked up over the space-heads like me who ding your door occasionally, not out of malice but simply because we've got other, more important things on our mind.
There have recently been a large number of folks walking about this particular grocery store parking lot asking for money so I was initially scared and waved the man away and continued to backup. He then proceeded to beat on my window with his fist and scream a few choice words at me. I rolled down me window about an inch to hear this:
"You may not care much about your car but I love my car and don't appreciate that you just dinged it with your car door."
OK now I'm feeling bad because I always try to be so careful about not dinging anyone's car doors. I hate it when it happens to me, and I don't want to do it to anyone else either. So I apologize and tell him that I didn't realized I'd hit his car and that I'm sorry. I try to never dings people's doors I say.
Well my apology wasn't good enough because he continued to scream and curse at me and even went so far to tell me that if I'd stop talking on my cell phone and pay attention, things like this wouldn't happen.
Between you and me and that man, what I do with my cell phone is my business. And I told him so. Well, I actually told him that it was none of his business when I talked on my cell phone and rolled up my window and backed away.
While I was backing away, he was standing in my parking space continuing to yell at me. I was shaking for about an hour after the encounter. And honestly I'm having trouble brushing it off now but while I was making dinner, I thanked God that the crazy man didn't pull a gun or knife on me, I thanked him for me being able to remain fairly calm during the situation instead of getting crazy angry like the ding man and I also realized something else, which is probably the most important lesson.
Door dings happen to all of us. You can park as far away from the rest of the world as possible, and you will still get a door ding or two. It's part of owning a car. So crazy man from the grocery store parking lot, deal with it! Life is too short to sweat the door dings and to get all worked up over the space-heads like me who ding your door occasionally, not out of malice but simply because we've got other, more important things on our mind.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Missed "teaching" opportunity with my 6 year old daughter
Yesterday after camp, Zoe went to the birthday party of a girl from her class. The party was at the girl's house - backyard water slide, trampoline, etc. - from 4:30 - 7 pm, which in my mind is a very long celebration for 6 year olds, but also made for a very long day in general considering Zoe had been at camp since 9 am.
I arrived at the party at 6 pm to relieve another parent who had been there since 4:30. We had concerns about leaving our children alone at the party ... that's a whole different story ... so we took turns being chaperons. By this time, Zoe and most of her classmates had moved from the water slide to an indoor dress-up and goof off in the bedroom party. They were all very hyped up on sugar, and I'm guessing very tired as well. Not long after, several fights broke out over various things like how many kids could fit intp one sleeping bag and who kicked who under the covers and who wouldn't let who play with some of the birthday girl's new toys.
Zoe ended up in my lap in tears saying everyone was being mean to her and no one wanted to play with her. This behavior is not all that uncommon for Zoe. And sadly for her, I was tired myself yesterday. I'd had a rough day at work and didn't know any of the adults at the party so I felt like the odd man out. I didn't have anyone to talk too so I was mostly sitting around playing on my phone, feeling uncomfortable and wishing the hour would pass quickly. What all this translates to is that when Zoe came crying to me, I honestly didn't have the strength or wisdom to know what to say to make her feel better. I missed a valuable teaching moment where I could have guided her to deal better with the situation, but I myself didn't know how to deal with the situation, and mentally I just wasn't in the right frame of mind because I was dealing with my own low self-esteem issues.
On the drive home, after I beat myself up for not being there for my daughter, I started wondering if Zoe's lack of ability to negotiate in situations like the one at the party stem from her being an only child? Other children have siblings to practice their negotiating skills on but Zoe just has me and her Dad. And frankly neither one of us are very good at it. I was basically an only child since my next sibling was so much older than me. So I started doing some research.
I found one article that seemed promising until I read it. 10 Tips for Parenting Only Children talked about how mature only children are ... and how they just don't know how to laugh ... and how they are total perfectionist who are always too hard on themselves. Well, the author obviously has never met my only child. All she does is laugh. There is nothing mature about her and she is perfectly fine if something is completed in a half-arse kind of way. No perfection problems with her.
Another article, Socializing only children - 5 tips for parents of onlies is definitely more helpful for my only child. The author says exactly what I was thinking yesterday: Onlies don’t have to negotiate the needs of siblings or share their toys, but if they are to get along with other children and people, they need to learn those skills.
Zoe generally gets along nicely with others but in the end, she is the one who ends up crying probably because someone isn't letting her have her way. And unlike one of her classmates, she doesn't seem to have the personality to persuade others to do her bidding. What she does have that I never had is the ability to stand-up for herself. She did not mind telling the others girls yesterday that they were being mean and not treating her fairly. I'm never able to do that for myself.
So sorry to ramble but to make a long story short, I feel bad because I missed an opportunity yesterday to help my daughter grown her skills and self-esteem, but I'm still not sure how I should have handled the situation. Any suggestions from the crowd would be appreciated : )
I arrived at the party at 6 pm to relieve another parent who had been there since 4:30. We had concerns about leaving our children alone at the party ... that's a whole different story ... so we took turns being chaperons. By this time, Zoe and most of her classmates had moved from the water slide to an indoor dress-up and goof off in the bedroom party. They were all very hyped up on sugar, and I'm guessing very tired as well. Not long after, several fights broke out over various things like how many kids could fit intp one sleeping bag and who kicked who under the covers and who wouldn't let who play with some of the birthday girl's new toys.
Zoe ended up in my lap in tears saying everyone was being mean to her and no one wanted to play with her. This behavior is not all that uncommon for Zoe. And sadly for her, I was tired myself yesterday. I'd had a rough day at work and didn't know any of the adults at the party so I felt like the odd man out. I didn't have anyone to talk too so I was mostly sitting around playing on my phone, feeling uncomfortable and wishing the hour would pass quickly. What all this translates to is that when Zoe came crying to me, I honestly didn't have the strength or wisdom to know what to say to make her feel better. I missed a valuable teaching moment where I could have guided her to deal better with the situation, but I myself didn't know how to deal with the situation, and mentally I just wasn't in the right frame of mind because I was dealing with my own low self-esteem issues.
On the drive home, after I beat myself up for not being there for my daughter, I started wondering if Zoe's lack of ability to negotiate in situations like the one at the party stem from her being an only child? Other children have siblings to practice their negotiating skills on but Zoe just has me and her Dad. And frankly neither one of us are very good at it. I was basically an only child since my next sibling was so much older than me. So I started doing some research.
I found one article that seemed promising until I read it. 10 Tips for Parenting Only Children talked about how mature only children are ... and how they just don't know how to laugh ... and how they are total perfectionist who are always too hard on themselves. Well, the author obviously has never met my only child. All she does is laugh. There is nothing mature about her and she is perfectly fine if something is completed in a half-arse kind of way. No perfection problems with her.
Another article, Socializing only children - 5 tips for parents of onlies is definitely more helpful for my only child. The author says exactly what I was thinking yesterday: Onlies don’t have to negotiate the needs of siblings or share their toys, but if they are to get along with other children and people, they need to learn those skills.
Zoe generally gets along nicely with others but in the end, she is the one who ends up crying probably because someone isn't letting her have her way. And unlike one of her classmates, she doesn't seem to have the personality to persuade others to do her bidding. What she does have that I never had is the ability to stand-up for herself. She did not mind telling the others girls yesterday that they were being mean and not treating her fairly. I'm never able to do that for myself.
So sorry to ramble but to make a long story short, I feel bad because I missed an opportunity yesterday to help my daughter grown her skills and self-esteem, but I'm still not sure how I should have handled the situation. Any suggestions from the crowd would be appreciated : )
Friday, July 6, 2012
Sibling Rivalry is Alive and Well at our Home
"No Dogs"
It seems that we don't need multiple children in our home to have a serious case of sibling rivalry. Zoe has banned Mimi, the golden retriever, from her playroom and the poor dog isn't even 5 months old yet.
The new sign is just one of many sibling rivalry symptoms I see happening since the dog came to live with us. Mimi is getting blamed for everything from missing and broken toys to falls that cause cuts and scrapes to... wait for it ... really smelly, stinky farts. The new little sister really is a menace to Zoe's society.
We might all need to go to family therapy soon : )
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Preventing others from sabotaging your child's self-esteem
I picked up my daughter and her friend after camp one day last week and took them to get ice cream as a treat. We ran into a friend at the ice cream place who has 2 daughters ... one that is 2 years older than Zoe and one that is 2 years younger. The 4 girls were sitting at one table eating their ice cream and the other Mom and I were sitting at a different table that was just a few feet away.
Her youngest daughter came over to us crying that the other girls, specifically Zoe, were leaving her out of the conversation and wouldn't let her talk. The mom immediately jumped up, went to the kids' table and reprimanded my daughter for leaving her daughter out of the conversation. Since I wasn't at the table, I didn't really know what had happened and because I'm a total wimp with low self esteem myself, I was too afraid to say anything, But it really bothered me that this mom singled out Zoe instead of addressing the whole table, and that she took it upon herself to discipline my daughter without talking to me about it first.
On the drive home, I asked Zoe for her version of what happened at the table. She told me that she and her other friend were talking about their day at camp and that the younger girl kept interrupting and trying to talk over them. Per Zoe, she told the younger girl to please wait her turn. OK so I'm not so sure I believe that last part but I do think it's possible that the younger girl was talking over them and when they wouldn't listen or pay attention to her, she ran to her mother.
I didn't want Zoe to think she had done anything wrong so I told her I disagreed with how the other mom had reprimanded her and that if she had indeed asked the younger girl to wait her turn to talk, then she had done the right thing. In reality, I should have said something to the other mom when the whole scene was going down but once again, I'm a wimp.
When my husband got home that evening, we talked about it again with Zoe just to reiterate that she had not done anything wrong and we discussed how she should handle situations like that in the future. And later after Zoe had gone to bed, I realized how stressful it is that not only do I have to find ways to instill self confidence in my own daughter, I also have to fight off others who will try to beat down her self esteem. It feels like a never-ending battle that I'm not sure I'm even equipped to handle.
How do you think I should have handled another parent reprimanding my daughter without my permission? Have you had to deal with anything like this before?
Her youngest daughter came over to us crying that the other girls, specifically Zoe, were leaving her out of the conversation and wouldn't let her talk. The mom immediately jumped up, went to the kids' table and reprimanded my daughter for leaving her daughter out of the conversation. Since I wasn't at the table, I didn't really know what had happened and because I'm a total wimp with low self esteem myself, I was too afraid to say anything, But it really bothered me that this mom singled out Zoe instead of addressing the whole table, and that she took it upon herself to discipline my daughter without talking to me about it first.
On the drive home, I asked Zoe for her version of what happened at the table. She told me that she and her other friend were talking about their day at camp and that the younger girl kept interrupting and trying to talk over them. Per Zoe, she told the younger girl to please wait her turn. OK so I'm not so sure I believe that last part but I do think it's possible that the younger girl was talking over them and when they wouldn't listen or pay attention to her, she ran to her mother.
I didn't want Zoe to think she had done anything wrong so I told her I disagreed with how the other mom had reprimanded her and that if she had indeed asked the younger girl to wait her turn to talk, then she had done the right thing. In reality, I should have said something to the other mom when the whole scene was going down but once again, I'm a wimp.
When my husband got home that evening, we talked about it again with Zoe just to reiterate that she had not done anything wrong and we discussed how she should handle situations like that in the future. And later after Zoe had gone to bed, I realized how stressful it is that not only do I have to find ways to instill self confidence in my own daughter, I also have to fight off others who will try to beat down her self esteem. It feels like a never-ending battle that I'm not sure I'm even equipped to handle.
How do you think I should have handled another parent reprimanding my daughter without my permission? Have you had to deal with anything like this before?
Thursday, June 28, 2012
My stressful life is getting in the way of me being a good Mom
Yesterday, Zoe's camp class was taking a field trip to one of those places that is full of trampolines. It seemed like a perfect fit for my high-energy daughter, but she refused to go. Apparently one of her fellow campers said she had already been 4 times and Zoe, who had never been, felt intimidated and scared ... hence the refusal to go.
When I dropped her off at camp this morning, all of her friends were telling her how much they missed her yesterday, including the 4-time camper, and Zoe started mouthing off about how that girl said she had been 4 times and it wasn't fair. That little girl defended herself and said, "I said I had been 1 time before, not 4!"
Now I don't know who was telling the truth ... really it could go either way with 6-year-olds ... but what I do know is that poor Zoe was not handling things well. By the time I left, she was standing around by herself looking sad, which made me sad.
I was one of those kids who had no friends, and I'm terrified that Zoe will suffer the same fate as me, so it's always top-of-mind for me. On the drive home, I called my husband to discuss the situation with him. On top of this morning's scene, Zoe told us last night that no one liked her and that none of the other campers wanted to play with her. I wondered after this morning, if she was bringing it upon herself. My husband wondered if we were causing it by the way we treat Zoe and talk to her. Sadly we are both guilty of trying to get her to behave by telling her that no one will want to hang out with her if she does X, Y or Z.
When I got home, I did a Google search on building self confidence in children and found a interesting article by Dr. Sears titled 12 ways to help your child build self confidence. As I was reading the article, I remembered all of the times that I've been short with Zoe because I'm stressed - mostly due to my job but also just household stuff in general. Lately I've been hard pressed to enjoy any time with my daughter because I'm always worried about a work deadline or what I'm making for dinner or when I'm going to have time to clean my house. If it's not one thing, it's another and since I work at home, that stress is ALWAYS present.
I'm cringing when I think about how many times I've probably made her feel like she isn't worthy of having any friends because she can't sit still or she whines a lot or complains too much. Ugh. I feel like such a bad mom and I really want to make an effort to change my behavior. I need to find a way to not let work or all of my other daily stresses get in the way of me raising a happy, healthy, self confident child.
Have any of you made an effort to reduce or even eliminate some of the stress from your life? If so, what kinds of things have you kicked to the curb to make your life more enjoyable?
When I dropped her off at camp this morning, all of her friends were telling her how much they missed her yesterday, including the 4-time camper, and Zoe started mouthing off about how that girl said she had been 4 times and it wasn't fair. That little girl defended herself and said, "I said I had been 1 time before, not 4!"
Now I don't know who was telling the truth ... really it could go either way with 6-year-olds ... but what I do know is that poor Zoe was not handling things well. By the time I left, she was standing around by herself looking sad, which made me sad.
I was one of those kids who had no friends, and I'm terrified that Zoe will suffer the same fate as me, so it's always top-of-mind for me. On the drive home, I called my husband to discuss the situation with him. On top of this morning's scene, Zoe told us last night that no one liked her and that none of the other campers wanted to play with her. I wondered after this morning, if she was bringing it upon herself. My husband wondered if we were causing it by the way we treat Zoe and talk to her. Sadly we are both guilty of trying to get her to behave by telling her that no one will want to hang out with her if she does X, Y or Z.
When I got home, I did a Google search on building self confidence in children and found a interesting article by Dr. Sears titled 12 ways to help your child build self confidence. As I was reading the article, I remembered all of the times that I've been short with Zoe because I'm stressed - mostly due to my job but also just household stuff in general. Lately I've been hard pressed to enjoy any time with my daughter because I'm always worried about a work deadline or what I'm making for dinner or when I'm going to have time to clean my house. If it's not one thing, it's another and since I work at home, that stress is ALWAYS present.
I'm cringing when I think about how many times I've probably made her feel like she isn't worthy of having any friends because she can't sit still or she whines a lot or complains too much. Ugh. I feel like such a bad mom and I really want to make an effort to change my behavior. I need to find a way to not let work or all of my other daily stresses get in the way of me raising a happy, healthy, self confident child.
Have any of you made an effort to reduce or even eliminate some of the stress from your life? If so, what kinds of things have you kicked to the curb to make your life more enjoyable?
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